I'll Stay Me

As I start these first steps on my new journey I am starting to find my all too human brain allowing the fears in. Not about my calling. Of that I'm certain. Of what other people will think when they hear. I know, I know, those who matter most will think it's awesome. And they do. But I can't help but wonder if some people on the periphery of my life will look at me different. Will make assumptions about me when they hear words like "ministry"or "divinity school. " I'm even embarrassed to admit TO the occasional stray thought, "who will want to date a woman who may be a pastor some day?" I'm not proud of any of this, but if I'm going to share all of this with you then I have to show all sides of what I'm going through. (And I have answered my last question with "the right man will" in case you were wondering) So let me assure you and me that most of me will be the same. I'll still list Supernatural as my favorite show on TV right now. I will still list country music as my favorite. I will still have a weakness for rom-coms and superhero movies. Nora Roberts will still be one of my favorite authors. I will often enjoy a glass or two of wine at the end of the day and cheer on the Buffalo Bills every Sunday. I will still believe that every person is important and deserving of God's love no matter their gender, race, sexuality, or beliefs. I know that on some level, however, I will change. Going through something like this how can I not? But I hope it will strengthen what's good in me and help me deal better with what's not. And who knows, maybe you all will change a little bit too. :)

One Giant Step For Summerkind

A week ago today I was sitting down to lunch with my pastor talking about a program my church is going through called New Beginnings. In a nutshell, our church is at a point in its life where something needs to change or it will die. Let me take a second to stress that it's not just my church but Church in general. Little did I know that this discussion would lead me to realize that I myself was at the doorstep of my own new beginning. Let me backtrack a moment. For the better part of 2012 I have been feeling stuck in my life. A promotion at work that had been practically promised to me was given to someone else. Work became stagnant. The relationship I was in ended. Money was getting tighter. As I approached my 34th birthday I struggled with feeling like I certainly wasn't where I thought I would be at this point in my life, nor was I where I wanted to be.All I knew was that I couldn't be in the same place a year from now. I knew SOMETHING. needed to change and I didn't know what. My prayers at night were pretty much me begging God to show me what that change was because I had absolutely no clue. Okay, I think we're caught up to last week now. In the course of lunch with Pastor Deb she asked me the question I had been asking myself for months: "What are you doing with your life?" I told her I was trying to figure that out. She then asked me, "Have you ever thought about ministry? " Truthfully I never had. That seemed like something for a person better than me or someone who had all the answers. But I started thinking about it, and then I couldn't stop thinking about it. I did an "unofficial poll" of family and friends and got a hugely positive response. The more I thought the more I liked the idea. If I truly felt an excitement to help lead and push the Church forward and a deep desire to LEARN, then why the heck not? And as I started leaning more and more to saying yes, one thought kept coming to me as I looked back at the past 34 years - God has been leading me here my whole life. I don't know where this journey will take me but I sure am excited. It will be a long and sometimes difficult process. If you are reading this then I like to think and hope you are cheering me on. Maybe you're just curious about the process. But we can learn and grow together.