Breath of Heaven Moment

So....my first Christmas season after answering God's call. Of course I had expectations as the holidays started. I somehow thought I would be more, I don't know, holy? Awestruck? Overcome with emotion? Overwhelmed with the gift of God's love in the form of Baby Jesus? Instead I feel incredibly...human.Struggling. Inadequate. And I'm not sure why. I feel almost like after hearing God's voice so clearly He's become muffled. While that path of my life is pretty clear everything else is foggy. Dead ends. Wrong turns. Have I put too high an expectation on what answering the call would be? That once I took a step in that directon all the other teetering dominos in my life would suddenly fix themselves? I don't know. I wish I could explain it.I have mixed emotions heading in to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day: excitement, sadness, peace, loneliness... Not doubt though. Ministry is where I belong. Maybe this is normal Maybe it's all part of the process and it's just the timing is coincidental. I do have hope. Hope that I will find my center again and be able to fully enjoy tonight and tomorrow. If you're reading this then I know you are part of my support system and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Throw up a quick prayer for me and have a very merry Christmas.