Back In The Saddle Again

Yes, I have now started my second semester. And it is so good to be back!

Let me flashback. It looks like my last post was just before the end of the semester. A time of great stress followed by great relief. Unfortunately, work decided that once my availability opened up I could work six days a week for a couple weeks, so there was not the immediate sense of "FREE TIME!" that I was hoping for. But it was so nice to come home from work and relax in front of the TV without my books staring at me or get up in the morning and read a Nora Roberts novel instead of a book for school. I had almost forgotten what reading for fun was like. (Although I did read a couple books that while not school related were faith related: Christianity After Religion and Did Jesus Exist?) I never thought I would be so excited to clean my bathroom! (Cleaning took a way back seat by the end of the semester) I made plans to hang out with my sister and my nephews. Life was good. Then my grades came in and I can't even tell you the sense of pride and relief I felt: A- in all three classes!!!! If you've been reading my blog then you know I struggled through a lot of the semester, especially in the beginning, with feeling inadequate. Every paper I turned in, from the one page reflection papers to the 15 page research paper, there was a sense of "I don't know if this is good. I'm not sure this is what they're looking for." I didn't always contribute in class. I knew I had been doing well, but there's still a sense of trepidation when you sign on to the website to get your grades. On a side note, I'm not sitting here thinking oh gee I'm so smart I got this. And I hope I never do. I think the sense of doubt in a way pushes me. I don't want to rest on my laurels and think I'm such a great student that I can coast. I feel much more comfortable and confident but there are still times in my classes where I feel the sense that everyone around me knows more than I do. I also know that going forward in ministry is not about how well I did on a church history final. There is so much more than that. But darn it all, it still feels good to see that A-! By the time January came to an end I was more than ready for classes to begin. I missed being on campus. I missed learning. I missed my classmates. It was time to go back.

So now I'm sitting in the student lounge. People are in classes so the building is quiet. Behind me out the window is a winter wonderland scene (which is pretty but I'm also over it). I'm sipping a cup of coffee and killing time before my Reformed Student Group meeting. The semester started last week. I'm taking New Testament, Christian Belief Today, and Reformation through Modern Church History. This semester is about building on the foundation of last semester and continuing to expand my faith and belief. It's going to be a lot of reading, but if you know me you know I love to read so it's not a problem. I'm hoping this will be my last "adjustment week", meaning my mind and body will  adjust to balancing school/work/homework again. I've been so tired, and I haven't even started getting up extra early or staying up late to do work! Okay, small white lie. I did get up early this morning so I could write the reflection paper that is due today for church history. But it's the only day so far! I've even started finally filling out my forms to become an inquirer for the Presbytery, and let me tell you I think these forms are more intense than filling out my grad school application was!

I'm hoping to be better at blogging. I know I say that a lot. Or if I don't, I definitely think it. This journey is in many ways a solitary one, but it's also one my friends and family are taking with me. So feel free to give me a nudge once in a while. Since I assume most of you are coming here via the link on my Facebook, drop me a post on my wall once in a while and remind me I haven't blogged in a while. I will do my best to make this a priority. Thank you for continuing to support me, whether it's through prayer or love or even just asking me how school is going. It's easy to feel alone and stuck in a bubble.