I Survived!

It is Monday December 9th. I am sitting in the library at school waiting for my last class of the semester to start. Yep, you read that right. Last class of the semester. I can't believe it. I can't even begin to tell you how fast the past few months have flown by.

Let me start by saying last week was probably the most stressful of the semester, despite my mini meltdown mid-October. Two major papers and a final will cause a girl to go a little crazy. Saturday night I finished the last of my homework. It was such a relief but I was so tired I'm not sure it fully processed. I think it still hasn't. It was so weird to get up Sunday morning and be able to read FOR FUN before church. This morning as well. My brain isn't quite sure what to do. For so long I've either been reading, writing, planning when I was going to read or write, or just plain thinking about homework that it seems odd to not be doing any of that. I'm not used to being able to have free time to just watch a TV show without feeling guilty because I'm not doing homework. Let me tell you, I will not miss the work at all!

That being said, I will miss school. I no longer feel intimidated by those around me or what I feel is my lack of knowledge or theological ideas. I've come to accept that where I am on the journey is where I'm supposed to be and if I knew it all then there would be no point to all of this. I've felt like a sponge the past few months, just soaking up and absorbing everything around me. I may not always contribute in class but I'm learning so much just by watching and listening. I can feel my relationship with God strengthening and I can feel my faith deepening. And it's such a cool feeling! I still may not have an answer when someone asks me "What do Presbyterians believe exactly?" so be prepared for that. But I'm starting to understand what I believe. I don't want to move forward with just blind faith. I'm tired of saying I believe something "just because." I fully embrace learning what goes behind the doctrine and the reasoning and the specifics. I know on some level faith is a mystery, but I still want to know more.

So here it is. End of the semester. I made it. My first semester of seminary. My first semester of grad school. I survived. I think I did pretty well. And after I enjoy a well deserved break, I can't wait to start the next one.