Reality Check?

I feel like I'm on a movie set. I'm sitting in the library at school right now, surrounded by books, other students dispersed randomly in wooden chairs at wooden tables with big lamps on them. Everyone has books or laptops out, doing homework, listening to music, or maybe like me checking their email.

But I'm not on a movie set. I'm at CRCDS. I'm waiting for my class to start. And I think it's about time to check in with everybody. I'm heading in to two weeks off of classes so as I transition from weekly classes and homework to preparing for papers due in two weeks, I figured it was time to take a deep breath and see how I feel as October starts.

Tired. I feel tired a lot of the time. Balancing work and school and homework drains a lot of my energy. But I also feel energized when I'm sitting in class taking notes or sitting on the bus reading next week's assignment. I'm absorbing so much that I can almost feel my faith and spirituality growing and deepening on a weekly, if not daily, basis. But I'm also struggling with reality. I may have a couple weeks off of classes, but I have a five page paper due in Faith Seeking Understanding where I have to discuss my point of view on a topic we have discussed so far this semester (I am writing on biblical interpretation). I have a five to six page paper due in Old Testament on the four sources of the Pentateuch and how they came together to form the Torah/First Five Books of the Old Testament. And I have to have a thesis statement, tentative outline, and bibliography on my research paper for Early and Medieval Church History (Augustine and his views on predestination versus free will, especially since he changed views from one to the other).  I haven't written a paper in I couldn't tell you how long, especially one where I needed to include citations and footnotes and a bibliography. All I can think of is back in high school when teachers would tell me I didn't give them enough evidence to support my statements. What if that happens again now? What if I cite something incorrectly? What if I don't have enough to say on one of my papers? Sure, my one page reflection papers have received good remarks, but that's a one page reflection paper. And so on and so forth. I spend a lot of time alternating between freaking out and trying to calm myself down.

So I am trying to take deep breaths. Trying to tell myself that everything will be fine. I was a good student once, I will be again. That there must be other people feeling just as lost as I am. I try to remember to lift it up to God and ask Him/Her to help me with my papers. Or maybe just to give me the strength and confidence so when I go to write them I won't feel so lost.

And there it is. Where I'm at right now. And since class is going to start soon I am going to wrap this up. If you think of it, send good thoughts and energy my way over the next couple weeks. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'll try to check in when the assignments are done. Wish me luck!!